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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 05:41
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
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When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I am not young enough to know everything.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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